Welcome to the Letters of Note archives. Current population: 900 letters. Here you'll find six ways to navigate the ever-growing collection. In addition, both a search function and list of popular entries can be found in the right-hand sidebar.

Please note: this page will be manually updated once per week, so bear with me should newer letters not appear.


1. Browse by correspondence type:

Letter; Memo; Telegram; Fax

2. Browse by writing method:

Typewritten; Handwritten

3. Browse by date of correspondence:

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4. Browse the following categories of correspondence:

5. Browse correspondence written by, to, or about, the following notable people (listed alphabetically, by first name):

Abraham Lincoln; Adolf Hitler; Agatha Christie; Al Capone; Al Capp; Al Feldstein; Al Franken; Al Hirschfeld; Al Parker; Al Sharpton; Alan Moore; Alan Shepard; Albert Einstein; Aldous Huxley; Aldrich Ames; Alec Guiness; Alex Haley; Alex Toth; Alfred Hitchcock; Alfred Kahn; Alfred Nobel; Amelia Earhart; Andy Kaufman; Andy Warhol; Annie Leibovitz; Annie Oakley; Ansel Adams; Arthur C. Clarke; Arthur Conan Doyle; Audrey Hepburn; Axl Rose; Ayn Rand

Barack Obama; Barbara Bush; Beatrix Potter; Benjamin Franklin; Bennett Cerf; Berkeley Breathed; Bertrand Russell; Betty Ford; Bill Clinton; Bill Gates; Bill Hicks; Bill O'Reilly; Bill Watterson; Billie Joe; Billy The Kid; Billy Wilder; Bill Zaboly; Bob Dylan; Bob Fitzsimmons; Bob Hope; Bonnie Parker; Brad Bird; Brian Wilson; Bruce Lee; Bruce Springsteen; Buckminster Fuller; Buddy Holly; Buzz Aldrin

Carl Sagan; Caroll Spinney; Cary Grant; Charles Darwin; Charles Dickens; Charles Dodgson; Charles Lindbergh; Charles Schulz; Charlie Chaplin; Charlie Parker; Charlie Sheen; Charles Bukowski; Christa McAuliffe; Christopher Reeve; Christopher Walken; Chuck Jones; Chuck Palahniuk; Clementine Churchill; Clint Eastwood; Clyde Barrow; Coleman Hawkins; Colin Chapman; Conan O'Brien; Connie Booth; Corey Feldman; Courtney Love; C. S. Lewis

Daisy Bates; Dave Grohl; David Attenborough; David Ben Gurion; David Berkowitz; David Bowie; David Foster Wallace; David Koresh; David Lean; David Letterman; David Ogilvy; David Selznick; David Swift; D. H. Lawrence; Diana Vreeland; Diane Keaton; Diego Rivera; Donna Reed; Dorothy Parker; Douglas Adams; Dr. Seuss; Dwight D. Eisenhower

E. B. White; E. C. Segar; Edgar Allen Poe; Edgar Rice Burroughs; Edith Shain; Elizabeth Taylor; Elton John; Elvis Presley; Enid Blyton; Ernest Hemingway; Errol Morris; Evelyn Waugh; Ezra Pound

F. Scott Fitzgerald; Federico Fellini; Fidel Castro; Forrest Ackerman; Francis Ford Coppola; Franklin D. Roosevelt; Frank Lloyd Wright; Frank Sinatra; Frank Zappa; Franz Kafka; Fred Astaire; Freddie Mercury; Frederick Banting; Frederick Douglass; Frida Kahlo

Galileo Galilei; Gene Roddenberry; Gene Wilder; George Bernard Shaw; George Bush Snr; George Carlin; George Eastman; George Harrison; George Lucas; George Michael; George Orwell; George Washington; Gerald Ford; Gertrude Stein; Gil Scott-Heron; Glenn Beck; Graham Chapman; Grant Wood; Groucho Marx; Gutzon Borglum; Guy Fawkes

H. G. Wells; H. L. Mencken; H. R. Giger; H. Rider Haggard; Hank Ketcham; Hank Williams; Harlan Ellison; Harold Gray; Harold Macmillan; Harold Pinter; Harper Lee; Harry Allen Smith; Harry Houdini; Harry Truman; Harvey Milk; Harvey Weinstein; Helen Keller; Henry Flipper; Henry James; Henry Mancini; Henry Miller; Henry Rollins; Henry VIII; Herbert Hoover; Howard Hughes; Hugh Hefner; Hugh Laurie; Hunter S. Thompson

Ian Fleming; Ian McEwan; Iggy Pop; Ingmar Bergman;Ingrid Bergman; Isaac Asimov

J. K. Rowling; Jac Holzman; Jackie Robinson; Jack Kerouac; Jack London; Jack The Ripper; Jack Vance; Jacqueline Kennedy; James Baldwin; James Brown; James Cameron; James Dean; James Randi; James Thurber; Jane Austen; Jann Wenner; J. D. Salinger; J. Edgar Hoover; Jeff Buckley; Jerry Siegel; Jerzy Kosinski; Jesse Owens; Jimi Hendrix; Jim Henson; Jim Jones; Jim Morrison; Jim Murray; Jimmy Carter; Jim Shooter; Joan of Arc; Jochen Rindt; Jodie Foster; Joe Biden; Joe DiMaggio; Joe Strummer; John Ashcroft; John Byrne; John Candy; John Cleese; John Cocteau; John Dillinger; John F. Kennedy; John Gotti; John Hinkley; John Irving; John Keats; John Kricfalusi; John Lennon; John Lydon; John Peel; John McCain; John Updike; John Wayne; Johnny Cash; Johnny Depp; John Steinbeck; Joseph Heller; Joseph Ratzinger; J. R. R. Tolkien; Julie Schwartz

Katherine Mansfield; Keith Haring; Keith Richards; Ken Kesey; Kenneth Grahame; King Vidor; Kirk Douglas; Kurt Cobain; Kurt Vonnegut

Larry Flynt; Laura Huxley; Lee Marvin; Lenny Bruce; Leonard Bernstein; Leonard Lyons; Leonard Nimoy; Leonardo da Vinci; Lester Bangs; Linda Lovelace; Lindsay Lohan; Lou Gehrig; Louis Armstrong; Lucy Lippard; Ludwig van Beethoven; Luke Wilson; Lyndon B. Johnson

Madonna; Malcom X; Marc Bolan; Margaret Thatcher; Marilyn Monroe; Mario Puzo; Marlene Dietrich; Mark Chapman; Mark Twain; Marlon Brando; Martin Luther King; Mary Stuart; Matt Groening; Matt Stone; Max Steiner; Mia Farrow; Michael Jackson; Michael Jordan; Michael Parkinson; Mick Jagger; Mickey Mantle; Mickey Rourke; Mike Royko; Mira Sorvino; Mitch Hedberg; Mohandas Gandhi; Monica Lewinsky; Morrissey; Moses Soyer; Muhammad Ali; Myra Hindley

Nancy Spero; Neil Armstrong; Nick Cave; Nikola Tesla; Norman Maclean; Norman Rockwell

Oliver Hardy; Orson Welles; Oscar Wilde; Owen Chamberlain; Owen Wilson

Pablo Picasso; Patrick Stewart; Patti Smith; Paul Keating; Paul McCartney; Paul Newman; Pete Docter; Phil Hartman; Philip K. Dick; Prince; Princess Diana

Quentin Tarantino; Queen Victoria

Ralph Emerson; Ralph Steadman; Ray Bradbury; Raymond Chandler; Rebecca West; Richard Chopping; Richard Dawkins; Richard Feynman; Richard Herring; Richard Nixon; Richard Williams; Rik Mayall; Rita Hayworth; Roald Dahl; Robert Baden-Powell; Robert Bly; Robert Burns; Robert Heinlein; Robert Louis Stevenson; Robert Pirosh;Robert Scott; Rocky Marciano; Roman Bohnen; Ronald Reagan; Roseanne Barr

Saddam Hussein; Salman Rushdie; Sammy Davis Jr.; Samuel Morse; Shel Dorf; Sherwood Anderson; Sid Vicious; Sigmund Freud; Sinclair Lewis; Slash; Sonny Rollins; Spike Milligan; Stan Laurel; Stan Lee; Stanley Kubrick; Stephen Fry; Stephen Hawking; Stephen King; Stephen Wolfram; Steve Allen; Steve Jobs; Steve Martin; Steve McQueen; Steve Rude; Steve Vai; Steven Spielberg; Stewart Lee; Stuart Sutcliffe; Syd Barrett; Sylvester Stallone

Tatum O'Neal; Ted Hughes; Tennessee Williams; Terry Gilliam; Tex Avery; Theodore Geisel; Theodore Roosevelt; Thom Yorke; Thomas Edison; Thomas Pynchon; Tim Burton; Tom Waits; Tony Wilson; T. S. Eliot

Upton Sinclair

Victor Hugo; Vince Colletta; Vincent Price; Vincent van Gogh; Virgina Woolf

Walt Disney; Walt Whitman; Walter Lantz; Ward Kimball; Warren Buffett; W. C. Fields; William Burroughs; William Marston; William Safire; William McKinley; William Steig; Wil Wheaton; Winston Churchill; Winston Smith; Woody Allen

Yann Martel; Yoko Ono

Zach Galifianakis

6. Finally, a list of all letters published so far, beginning with the most recently featured:

November 2012

8th: The sacrifice is not in vain
7th: Please advise
6th: Our differences unite us
6th: Time & the hour run through the roughest day
1st: Vast riddles

October 2012

30th: They surely are not violent
29th: Hardcase Survival Pinto Bean Sludge
26th: Why I am an Atheist
25th: Another link is broken
24th: Please design me a dog house
23rd: I am a human being
22nd: Our Frank
18th: People simply empty out
17th: Regarding your Hampton Wick
16th: How I would like to work for you!
15th: Some things should happen on soft pages, not cold metal
12th: Everything comes to an end
11th: I beg you to take my child
10th: Damn you all to hell
9th: I was meant to be a composer
8th: Here the roads seem to fork
5th: Book-banners are invariably idiots
3rd: I'm still someplace
2nd: The Beauty of Words
1st: The Heinlein Maneuver

September 2012

28th: All prizes, like all titles, are dangerous
27th: My wick hath a thief in it
26th: Your road manager needs a POKE
25th: This, sir, is my resignation
21st: The Vision of Sin
19th: Sin-sationally, Mae West
18th: What do I want in a doctor?
17th: What a world
14th: There is no money in answering letters
13th: A degenerate sort of cult
12th: Please send in your letters
11th: Live like a mighty river
7th: Sympathy begins at home
6th: How could you go ahead of me?
5th: I have not shot her yet
4th: First you have to kick my arse
3rd: I shall always be with you

August 2012

31st: If ever an actor can do it – Gene can
30th: Think of my programmes as your research department
29th: Shall we go together & look for her?
22nd: Your pal, Lorne Michaels
21st: I am desperate to have some real fun
20th: The morning mail is my enemy
17th: A vampire in striped pajamas
16th: I am in a state of shock
14th: The Battle of the Bitches
13th: Come here father
10th: What did you say? I can't hear you…
9th: You are not so kind as you used to be
7th: You crack dealing piece of trash
6th: Why Explore Space?
3rd: The Great Sex Letter
2nd: This is my last visit
1st: To Hell with Hitler

July 2012

31st: You are truly wonderful
30th: Whatever you like doing, do it!
26th: The proverbial "really good" sci-fi movie
25th: This is my son. He speaks Greek.
24th: Tolstoy wasn't Sendak, either
23th: Sure, go ahead
29rd: You've got to sell your heart
17th: John is an admirable name
13th: I'm unhappy, hope you're unhappy too
12th: Regarding your dam complaint
11th: let me begin by not beginnin
10th: Think always of me
9th: Letter to a Young Poet
5th: Oh my ass burns like fire!
4th: Must be raining in this old bunkhouse
3rd: The novel is a wonder
2nd: A gap-toothed & hoary-headed ape

June 2012

29th: Sex does not thrive on monotony
28th: Cowboys must be deranged
27th: Oh Christ, the cook is dead
26th: We have listened long enough to the pessimists
25th: Getting Star Trek on the air was impossible
23rd: Yours in distress, Alan
22nd: I shall be waiting for you
21st: I have now no further use for a birthday
20th: Are you supposed to be normal?
19th: My mother declared my bedroom a disaster area
18th: We're sorry you've been misled
15th: Steve, I've got news
14th: If I’m not a writer then I’m nothing
13rd: 'Music is 'life it'self
12th: Part of this world, part of another
11th: They pay brisk money for this crap?
8th: I AM the boss
7th: I feel every cut
6th: All of my friends were on the shelves above
6th: He's here, living and vivid and unforgettable forever
1st: The most beautiful work of all

May 2012

31st: Mrs. Sinclair Lewis to you
30th: The spectacle sickened me
28th: My dungeon shook
25th: Airman Thompson
24th: I do not apologize for myself nor my fears
22nd: I am greatly troubled by what you say
21st: You are not lazy, and still you are an idler
18th: Dear Einstein, Do Scientists Pray?
17th: It has never got easier
16th: Love, Dad
15th: The real heroes are the parents
14th: Ought women not to be abolished altogether?
11th: Thank you, Mr. Hitchcock
10th: DO NOT be so bloody vulnerable
9th: The bulk of all human utterances is plagiarism
8th: stay away from microwaves
7th: A pantomime Aslan would be blasphemy
4th: John Cleese vs The Sun
3rd: Iorz feixfuli, M. J. Yilz
2nd: Hitchcock for Bond?
1st: I refuse to be cheated out of my deathbed scene

April 2012

30th: Bill Hicks on Freedom of Speech
27th: Greetings Worm
26th: The problem is one of illiteracy, not Marxism
25th: Forget your personal tragedy
24th: American democracy will have disappeared
20th: God damn it, I split it so it will stay split
19th: It is only adults who ever feel threatened
18th: Illiterately yours
17th: Things will just get better and better
16th: The end of the world of books
13th: He has nothing left but his poker
12th: Keep Bill Wyman away from Keith
11th: He is called Mick Jagger
10th: You must deliver marketable goods
6th: Be Prepared
5th: I do not like scolding people
4th: The Tale of Peter Rabbit
3rd: C. S. Lewis on Writing
2nd: Love is love, and there will never be too much

March 2012

30th: I am very real
29th: You are mistaken in calling it a novel
28th: The Skills of Da Vinci
27th: You children write illiterate letters
26th: His heart is not in his work
23rd: With all my heart and soul
22nd: Your disgusted so-called father
21st: Things to worry about
20th: Sorrow passes and we remain
19th: Intolerable Ignorance
16th: Respected Paternal Relative
15th: E. B. White on the Free Press
13th: I like words
12th: Butt-Head Astronomer
9th: Scientifically yours
8th: Remember the Ladies
7th: I have no ancestors of that gifted people
6th: 1984 v. Brave New World
5th: The Empire State Building
2nd: No Ovaries Removed
1st: You will then know how to talke to me

February 2012

29th: A book is like a man
28th: Will you please have his place raided?
27th: Deep sickness seized me
24th: I am your fellow man, but not your slave
23rd: Apple must make Macintosh a standard
22nd: I should like more money
21st: Jelly-boned swines
17th: Go easy with my money
16th: Interviews are pure twaddle
15th: I love my wife. My wife is dead.
14th: I feel happy tonight
13th: Never from so many at once
10th: The love of a parasite is worth nothing
9th: I shall always be near you
8th: The suspense was unbearable
7th: Happy Birthday, Dickens
6th: My muse is not a horse
3rd: Nor was there a stock comedy Negro
2nd: She doesn't answer the phone
1st: Damn

January 2012

31st: On the Meaning of Life
30th: To My Old Master
27th: To the next Burglar
26th: Thou eunuch of language
25th: May the muses embrace you
24th: I am a lousy copywriter
23rd: Something extraordinary
20th: The other guy just blinked
19th: Our little baby is dead
18th: Dear Son
17th: We both share the same goal
16th: I know what love is
13th: For Aspiring Editors
12th: I know, Mother, I know
11th: Nothing good gets away
10th: Aida will gather dust in the archives
9th: A flabby mass of cliches
6th: Wind the clock, for tomorrow is another day
5th: Like all frauds, your end is approaching
3rd: Scratching the Back of the Hand that Feeds You
2nd: New Year Greetings

December 2011

22nd: Merry Christmas!
21st: Stick them in your ear
20th: I would like to get out of this world
19th: It's just terrific
16th: America is pretty empty without you kids
15th: You are now my Enemy
14th: A bag of wind
13th: Why don't you write a story?
12th: From your friend "Babe" Ruth
9th: The Heroes of Our Time
8th: Herbs is his Majesty's
7th: Don't say it
6th: Advice from Harper Lee
5th Your Anonymous Godard
2nd: Space: The Final Frontier
1st: Stephen Hawking on Time Travel

November 2011

30th: Pornography is an attitude and an intention
29th: Thanks for being my Dad
25th: Dear Princeton Law School
24th: When are you going to release my film?
21st: A letter of thanks from Gil Scott-Heron
18th: Here are the pictures
17th: Dear Bob
16th: Dear Mr. Vonnegut
15th: When Einstein wrote to Gandhi
14th: It is the woman who pays
11th: I was 2 busy listening 2 the grass grow
10th: The delusion
9th: Some Thoughts on Our Business
8th: Your loving son, Jimi
7th: Somehow the possibilities seem endless
3rd: Everyone has to be a child
2nd: I wanted to be a nun or a movie star
1st: the price for ridding society of bad is always high

October 2011

28th: The Case of the Difficult Dressing Gowns
27th: Who do you think you are -- Marilyn Monroe?
26th: Burst through its bars
25th: Reviews were angry and childish
24th: Sadness is a strange companion
21st: We were both asleep when the boat hit
20th: Attempted Fax Cover Sheet
19th: My belly is too much swelling with jackfruit
18th: Charles Bukowski on Censorship
17th: Please don't give in
14th: Don't hesitate - Do it now!
13th: Dejobbed, bewifed, and much childrenised
12th: Everyone should have a reserve
11th: I am so lonely I can hardly bear it
10th: You are the future. You can make a difference.
7th: We want more Coca Cola
6th: Keep the faith!
4th: Dearest Andy
3rd: Good Bye, Son

September 2011

30th: It's more likely that I was doing 911km/h
29th: Each of you is special just because you're you
28th: Please ask Ike to bring Elvis back
27th: Marlon I respect you enormously
26th: My Pilot days are closing in
23rd: The Nevermind Happy Meal
22nd: I love life too much
21st: Frank Sinatra on Crossword Puzzles
19th: With great respect, Marge Simpson
16th: Love music
15th: You are the hippest of cats
14th: That man basked in your light
12th: The ring of fire still burns around you and I
9th: We're 2!
7th: He is talented to the point of genius
6th: We must stop not meeting like this
5th: I am gratefuler than ever before...
1st: Dear Loser

August 2011

31st: Thank you for the dream
30th: Make me proud
29th: The Beatles was too much
26th: For your confidential information
25th: Handy Nervous Breakdown Avoider
22nd: My work is done. Why wait?
18th: The Factory
17th: Sweetheart come
16th: Amateur comedy is too "On the nail"
15th: To Our Very Best Pal JOHN WAYNE (Or Occupant)
11th: Many times I have kissed and cryed over this
9th: We were not found wanting
8th: I have no personal knowledge of computers

July 2011

27th: I pity you
26th: The princess has arrested me
25th: Jam this morbid drivel up your ass
22nd: The Internet Tidal Wave
21st: Subject: Toilet Paper
20th: Long may the Grand Master live
19th: You are scum
18th: Cannes is a place of mental humiliation
15th: The Sale of Manhattan
14th: I will treasure your letter
13th: I am ashamed to share membership of the same party...
12th: I need a monkey
11th: Our total love for you is everlasting
8th: We get a kick outa being flattered!
7th: You are the greatest film-maker at work today
6th: I have just written you a long letter
5th: I was sickeningly awful
1st: Try again, won't you?

June 2011

30th: Please don't let this go to your head
29th: EGO-EGO-EGO!!!!
28th: I await you Hollywood feverishly
27th: Critics are venomous serpents that delight in hissing
24th: There is no way to replace Walt Disney
22nd: Keep drawing
21st: North Polar Bear's leg got broken
20th: You're a schmuck
17th: I can't look you in the voice
15th: Gee whiz, that master alarm certainly startled me
14th: Dear Marty, it is a stunning script
13th: And then...silence
10th: Immortal Beloved
9th: I cannot remain silent
8th: Your ever gracious tenant, Bruce Springsteen
7th: It is a good thing to be laughed at
6th; You are directly responsible for the loss of our son's life
3rd: The human race is incurably idiotic
2nd: You are an "eight ulcer man on four ulcer pay."
1st May I suggest that Mr. Bond be armed with a revolver?

May 2011

31st: Thank you for not hitting me
27th: I'm 82 and hate it!
26th: Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Me
25th: It can never be as bad in fiction as it is in real life
24th: People are more interested in Apocalypse Now than the Holy Ghost
23rd: John Denver's Nightmare
20th: Take the world by the tail
19th: It wasn't a rip off; it was a love in
18th: Permission to Synchronise
17th: I have no interest in you or your life
16th: Your happiness means my happiness
13th: I would like to point out...
12th: The links between science fiction & science are well established
11th: It's better to burn out than to fade away
10th: Rock on Sarah!
9th: I write for myself and I'll say anything I damn well please
6th: A library is many things
5th: I am volunteering for the "Man in Space" program
4th: This is Kurt Vonnegut, reporting from the afterlife
3rd: I want us to break up the act
2nd: To my family - from Dad

April 2011

29th: The romantic Mr Carlin
28th: Jim is fundamentally a respectable citizen
27th: My favourite feature is the Obituary department
26th: On bureaucratese and gobbledygook
25th: In memory of a once fluid man
22nd: Tchaikovsky was an awesome composer
21st: My husband John Lennon was a very special man
19th: We are standing on the threshold of Great events!
18th: Being an actor is the loneliest thing in the world
14th: You're a liar and a fraud
13th: As soon as I stop speaking the pearls disappear
12th: What great births you have witnessed!
11th: love, thom
8th: Tell me, what is a "she-male?"
7th: This "evil" was the greatest which can befall a man
6th: Finished with the War: A Soldier’s Declaration
5th: Don't disgust me, please
4th: I am only 6 but I think I can do this job
1st: Shame on you Mr. Beck

March 2011

31st: I think I no how to make people or animals alive
30th: I may be killed in my attempt to get Reagan
29th: The tracks sound terrific so far, especially King Bee
28th: I expect you to correct your work-ethic immediately
25th: Society has no business to permit degenerates to reproduce their kind
24th: The vilest book that exists in print
23rd: Don't get pompous with me
22nd: A promise is a promise!
21st: Permission to land
18th: Sorry about your tape
17th: I will always be grateful for your courageous action
16th: My Definite Chief Aim
15th: Part of playing for high stakes under great pressure is the constant risk of mental error
14th: Best wishes my dear friend
11th: We are the suicide beat of the NON-GENERATION
10th: I dare you all, test your strength: Open a book.
9th: If membership is restricted to men, the loss will be ours
8th: Buttocks or Crotch?
7th: Forget the impeachment of President Nixon...
4th: Seat 29E
3rd: The Court would like to balance the scales
2nd: Is there a Hustler for kids?
1st: The Birth of Steampunk

February 2011

28th: Be your own self. Love what YOU love.
25th: Scientists have a special responsibility
24th: Older mistresses are so grateful!!
23rd: The Giant Zlig
22nd: You were of course the outstanding candidate
21st: I had no idea that the City of Casablanca belonged exclusively to Warner Bros.
18th: I had to turn down BLACK SPRING
17th: Love, the anti-christ
16th: I love my Muppet life
15th: Most Sincerely Yours
14th: Regarding your stupid complaint
11th: You have something graceful and tender and feminine
10th: siseneG
9th: The Grateful Dead has many problems
8th: What Makes Nancy So Great, by Sidney
7th: Mia's Haircut
4th: Darling Goodnight and Goodbye
3rd: Love, Buddy
2nd: Mickey Mantle's outstanding experience at Yankee Stadium
1st: Hardly one copy would sell here. Hardly one. Hardly one.

January 2011

31st: A Not-so-fond Farewell
28th: Men are climbing to the moon but they don't seem interested in the beating human heart
27th: You can beat it just like I did
26th: I'm the nurse in your famous shot
25th: A Plea for a raise, By Jack Kennedy
24th: I do not feel that Madonna is ready yet
21st: However, since you are twelve...
20th: I'm sending you a poem
19th: I think that 'She' is worth 20 K. S. Mines
18th: Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Me
17th: I'll be waiting to see your names someday on the big screen
13th: We will never get past Viet Nam if we sweep it under the carpet
12th: A lot of people believe that beauty is some kind of conspiracy
11th: I have no wish to have a man who doesn't know me tell me who I am
10th: I'm feeling like a very large turd on a very thin stick
7th: Don't do it for anyone else
6th: I expect to make the best movie ever made
5th: The mass audience will never learn
4th: Script-written cartoons are like rap music

December 2010

20th: I have put out a contract on Salman Rushdie
17th: Success
16th: Written with the hand of him who wishes he were yours
15th: Fake!
14th: The lid is on in Packingtown
13th: Have you heard about the Toad?
10th: Do not hand over any tapes to Paul McCartney
9th: The first mail to be carried over the Atlantic
8th: Your draughtsmanship is beyond reproach
7th: Love that color on you, by the way
6th: I greet you at the beginning of a great career
3rd: In search of a Komodo dragon
2nd: It's all too exciting
1st: All the ladies like whiskers

November 2010

30th: The rap singers is taken the advantage of me
29th: Ezra Pound is obviously crazy
26th: To: My widow
25th: Maybe it's just catharsis. But I think it's more.
24th: I don't support Clay's decision to refuse induction
23rd: The War is officially ended
22nd: A true Lovers Knot to thee my Dear I send
19th: Together we can "BEAT IT"!
18th: Bob Dylan: "Let John and Yoko stay!"
17th: Don't try
16th: Ghosts in the White House
15th: A drunken evening with Groucho Marx
11th: There will be seven Harry Potter books altogether
10th: Its true beauty, however, was that it worked
9th: i'm still listening, it's fun
4th: I hope you will be a great and successful actress some day
3rd: I am the servant of the king, my lord, the dirt at his feet
2nd: Dear Princely person
1st: To the Boy Scouts

October 2010

29th: Best Wishes, Brad Bird
28th: I have never drawn PEANUTS for children
27th: Mrs Yoko Ono Lennon does not sweat
26th: The Little People's Petition
25th: Remembering John Peel
22nd: It was a busy year and then it wasn't
21st: The birth of Wonder Woman
20th: Mark Twain on proofreaders
19th: I sure am thinking of you
18th: Cal Tech students are primitive little shits
15th: Even the most sophisticated society can still fall prey to an invasion of monsters
14th: Madonna: "I hate actresses"
13th: Limitations are the greatest assets in producing a work of art
12th: Perhaps we should establish that worth in dollars
11th: Wear it well
7th: Our government doesn't give a fuck about our troops
6th: You have lit the flame of aspiration in so many of us
4th: I would like to retain 'fart in your general direction'
1st: I write for young readers, not uptight adults

September 2010

30th: These answers are not intended to be funny
29th: Dear Empty TV
28th: H. G. Wells on American journalists
27th: Am Ricely and Chickenly Yours
24th: Barfly, I love you
23rd: DON'T GIVE UP!
22nd: 20 years of experience dictates the following...
21st: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is a piss stain
20th: Father, you asked me recently why I am afraid of you
17th: The good of the Universal Church
16th: Your products are stronger than the atomic bomb
15th: I am not afraid of robots. I am afraid of people.
14th: Oh what an angry person you are!
13th: Letters of Note by Email
13th: I can only drive a car in which I have some confidence
10th: Your Dalek blueprints are enclosed
9th: We're One Year Old!
8th: Love, Corey
7th: Is there a space program which we could win?
6th: Accept me for what I am - completely unacceptable
3rd: Drinking, Smoking & Storytelling
2nd: Playboy #1
1st: I hope you like "Queen II."

August 2010

31st: Looks like books are coming to an end
30th: I was not an actress but rather a victim of degradation
27th: Some mean man killed my dady too
26th: I will never be the next Rene Zellwegger
25th: STAR TREK/Casting
24th: Thomas Pynchon on plagiarism
23rd: More close-ups, more money
20th: Be an unbeatable person and avenge my death
19th: The Death List
18th: Dear 8 year-old Teresa
17th: Let's make use of this opportunity
16th: Wind up the world the other way...
13th: Wow! Am I fucked up
12th: This little girl has her Walters crossed
11th: Art, like love, speaks through and to the heart
10th: Remembering Tony Wilson
9th: An A&R man must be "human"
6th: Fraternally, Brother Vonnegut
5th: The Tiger Oil Memos
4th: Our gods are assholes
3rd: Speaks through his nose and cannot pronounce the letter S
2nd: I can't be stopped

July 2010

30th: I hear you like Tomato Soup
29th: What makes you think I hate the British?
28th: A Mad Rejection
27th: It is a lovely book
26th: "I told you so!"
23rd: Characters are more important than jokes
22nd: 24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? I think not.
21st: Neo-Nazis, Syphilis, and World War III
20th: Planning Mount Rushmore
19th: The best reappraisals are born in the worst crisis
16th: You're chaining up far too many women
15th: I'm afraid I thought this one as dire as its title
14th: Tesla's Death Ray
13th: Your work was inadequate and inexcusably negligent
12th: He was there with you on the bridge
9th: A tomb of the mind and a dungeon of the body
8th: Dear Rear Admiral
6th: Try not to make an ass of yourself
5th: Doctors always know best
2nd: This letter opens it wide for any con man to destroy us
1st: The Little Rock Nine

June 2010

30th: I'd rather die than formally address a group of people
29th: Marvel are the droppings of the creative world
28th: We are sinking fast
25th: Yours Faithfully, Adolf Hitler
23rd: You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade
22nd: The quilt is beyond beautiful... Beyond!!!
21st: To All Potty-Mouthed Inbetweeners
18th: What you say should be applied to others rather than to me
17th: Will you please have a brilliant idea?
16th: I am quite sad that you are ill
15th: How to Train an Animator, by Walt Disney
14th: I am excited about going into space
11th: Science fiction should be mainly about people
10th: Could you send me a little something?
9th: You don’t understand "ordinary people"
8th: Pixar films don't get finished, they just get released
7th: Earth, by the way, is a garden of delights
4th: Lennon: 'Society only likes dead artists'
3rd: A Personal Letter From Steve Martin
2nd: Come on now Marlon, put up your dukes and write!
1st: Negro Bucks and White Hoodlums

May 2010

31st: No way!
28th: These bastards let your brother die
27th: An offense that comes from misinterpretation is vulnerable
26th: Fancy a game of baseball?
21st: Walt Disney's 25 million reasons to re-release Snow White
20th: Wills are subject to change
19th: Like most junk science that just won't die, the polygraph stays with us
18th: It is my dream and goal to capture TRUTH
17th: Come on, George. Loosen up. Swing, man.
14th: Again, Bet on Exterminator
13th: The crime of being a Negro was far more heinous
12th: I will be stopping Calvin and Hobbes
11th: THINK BIG.
10th: The Birth of Public Enemy No.1
7th: Don't keep remembering what you've lost
6th: How to wash George Harrison's car
5th: Pinching the melon
4th: Why should I?

April 2010

30th: My position concerning God is that of an agnostic
29th: Popeye's favorit tree
28th: It's a good script
27th: And the answer was Aslan
26th: Is it best for the States to unite, or not to unite?
23rd: Your Friend, Conan
22nd: You are doomed to deserved failure
14th: Dear All
12th: I'm trying very hard to be a regular soldier
9th: Posterity is quite apt to be a little rough on you
8th: I am a fat boy now
7th: I can't remember ever being without you
5th: All you speak of is real to me
2nd: Ym raed Yssac
1st: You must know again my reluctance to marry

March 2010

31st: I really do not happen to like champagne
30th: Joan of Arc's Call for Arms
29th: Beloved Father
26th: Success is a real and subtle whore
25th: The most beautiful death
24th: Burroughs has gone insane
23rd: For your future information...
22nd: The trouble with Chinese...
19th: Supermensch
18th: Fifty Lady Sharpshooters Await
17th: Send cask arsenic exterminate aborigines
16th: Respectfully yours, Clint Eastwood
15th: Metal fasteners, tape, and staples
12th: I am going to put the Commission out of commission
11th: Lou Gehrig's Disease
10th: Advice for an aspiring architect, in 1931
9th: A charming apology from Lewis Carroll
8th: Einstein on astrology
4th: When a real and final catastrophe should befall us...
3rd: What hath God wrought?
2nd: Happiness is within you...
1st: This was dictated before the world fell in on me

February 2010

26th: Salinger reviews Raiders of the Lost Ark
25th: I hadn't any idea that I talked about my guitar so often
24th: S.O.S.!
23rd: Dear Lucy
22nd: What does all this stuff about flying saucers amount to?
19th: The worst is to come...
18th: Drive safely and don't abuse alcohol, drugs or candy
17th: People who write sonnets should be hung
16th: In defence of Jim Jones
15th: President Einstein
12th: The greatest novel I've ever written
11th: I cannot conceal my annoyance
10th: Don't F*ck With The Quote
9th: Where do you expect our children to live?
8th: I can't fight any longer
5th: Framed by an idiot, passed by muttonheads
4th: I had seen Amelia Earhart!
3rd: This is the second fan letter of my long career
2nd: I am to be executed
1st: John Lennon signed my album

January 2010

29th: I felt the risk of being overwhelmed by Giger
28th: Life on the battlefield is different from the movie version
27th: Ordinary standards do not apply to Tesla
26th: You're an idiot of the 33rd degree
25th: You're boring
22nd: My life couldn't fill a penny postcard
21st: I painted you a letter
20th: Superman looks worse in each picture
19th: How many lives are you willing to sacrifice?
19th: I will include your name in my present work
18th: I am Adam and I'm alone again with all my ribs intact
15th: Hang on, my love, and grow big and strong
14th: I feel disposable, used and insignificant
13th: Please Miss Hindley help me
12th: You must not even think of settlement during the war.
11th: Your pal, John K.
8th: Superman: The Man of Tomorrow
7th: Maddonna is utterly ARTLESS
6th: No wonder Mary Poppins was awful in this regard
5th: Letterheady
5th: I wish I could do a lot more for you
4th: Art is useless because...
4th: The birth of Bonfire Night
1st: A cunning suggestion

December 2009

31st: I wish I could spare Nancy from this painful experience
30th: La misère de la condition humaine
29th: Pardon me
22nd: The Jim Morrison Triptych
18th: What a dandy car you make
17th: The Sunday Strip
16th: Thank you Bob
16th: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus
16th: Anything which weakens you, weakens America
16th: The Quill Letter
15th: Hostages For World Peace
15th: I want to buy it
14th: This rain of atomic bombs will increase manyfold in fury
11th: Name your price
10th: We have a message from another world
10th: Holden Caulfield is unactable
9th: You make school a perfect misery
8th: Disney, Day 1
8th: Just personal enough
7th: All I tried to do was make you all honest men
7th: Dear All
7th: Here's the Marvelman script...
4th: You gave me a valuable gift: you took me seriously
3rd: I'm sorry. My friend got me drunk.
3rd: Hi. Buckley again.
3rd: One thought hits me about your letter
2nd: My real name is David Jones
2nd: You, Me and Cousin Dupree
1st: "He is a second Dirac, only this time human."

November 2009

30th: You're nothing but a pimp
30th: The KKK will receive a taste of its own medicine
26th: Unhappy Franksgiving
25th: Langlois Bridge
25th: You are Elvis Presley. I am Andy Kaufman.
25th: Daddy, my Poppy hasn't grown yet
24th: Dear Mayor of New York City
23rd: Best regards, Kurt
20th: Al Capone is coming home
20th: This issue transcends all others
19th: Houdini's Last Trick
18th: Slaughterhouse Five
18th: John McCain's favourite joke
17th: Philip K. Dick on dreams
17th: Thousands of other Daddies went too...
16th: Flight is possible to man
16th: You must have the wrong author
13th: This is me
13th: ..the brains of a cross-eyed titmouse..
13th: Your own name is a delightful one
12th: There is no time to be tactful
12th: Life unworthy of life
11th: To my good friends ye Postmasters
11th: If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong
11th: Full Metal Jacket offers no easy answers
10th: Your own private book event
9th: I can tell by the Pixies...
6th: Prepare For Contact
6th: Please - no preferential treatment
5th: Prom is right around the corner
5th: I do hope my airplane crashes
4th: You will not stop me, Reverend
4th: Number One Snoopy Place
4th: 17214 6491 11310 18147
3rd: The lowest class of people I ever heard of
2nd: To all aspiring animators
2nd: If this letter doesn't do it - nothing will
2nd: The Ax

October 2009

30th: Einstein's One Great Mistake
30th: I HATE "Bright Eyes"!
29th: I feel like an egg in a whisk
29th: Homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of
29th: It's with regret, Mr. Warhol...
28th: Onward!
28th: We all feel like that now and then
28th: The birth of Roger Thornhill
27th: The result would be a catastrophe
27th: Whatever you do, don't touch his hair
26th: Please clean up the oil spill
26th: Krusty the Clown is God
26th: The Johnny Appleseed of LSD
23rd: Men mellow, Women become battleaxes
22nd: Fire or Acid
22nd: I refuse to allow Stanley to get away with his robbery
21st: Lord Luv a Duck, Gov'nor
20th: The Galilean Moons
20th: If I cannot live with you I will live alone
20th: My husband is planning "an accident"
19th: I cannot swagger out in these shirts
19th: Tobacco Placement, 1983
16th: Dear All
16th: I was ready to sink into the earth with shame
16th: The things I saw beggar description
15th: I miss my brother
15th: Stop making "bums" of the school boys
15th: You are a decoration, you little witch!
15th: I would have gladly mingled with you
14th: To one and all I wish a speedy victory
14th: Savin' It!
13th: Maybe soon I'll do it live
13th: Describe The Sky
13th: I refuse to salute the flag
12th: The Masked Letter
12th: Unrest at the Chocolate Factory
9th: Vote for me I will help you out
9th: They are solid and good people
8th: It will be sunny one day
8th: Spit shall rain on the 'experts'
8th: Most of you steal your software
7th: For the sake of my conscience
7th: The word God is the product of human weakness
6th: A striptease with clothes on
6th: Re: your so called "exhaustion"
5th: I can pay you back with penny stamps
5th: We ought to take this man now
5th: I can't spell. I'm very upset
2nd: And don't get me started on the Scoutmasters
2nd: A Call For Equality
2nd: Regarding that pardon
1st: I am Jiverly Wong shooting the people

September 2009

30th: P.S. This is my favorite memo ever
30th: Confide in me, Tom
29th: I did NOT hear the Martians "rapping on my chamber door"
29th: Let the stillborn midget rest in peace
28th: He put up a great fight against Fritz
28th: I leave it in your capable hands
28th: Bravo on your diffcult troubling work
28th: I sure miss Mr Hardy
25th: My good friend Roosvelt
24th: My dear little one day old baby
24th: The Wicca Ban
24th: Blade Runner will prove invincible
23rd: Do Not Lose This Letter
23rd: Misbehaver in the caferteria is unexcecpable
23rd: It was hard to give five sons to the Navy
22nd: All of this is nonsense
22nd: I ? U
21st: And a bomb was dropped
18th: From your Daddy and pal always
18th: All you need is love
17th: Okay, you lazy bitch
17th: Your girl, Frida
17th: Boom, boom, boom!
16th: 17 million Negroes cannot wait for the hearts of men to change
16th: Everything you hear is true
16th: How can we stamp out this menace?
15th: I can and will do more good as a Federal Agent at Large
15th: The Father-in-Law of the Telephone
15th: And sing songs by Diana Ross
14th: Sweden. Listen up.
14th: It would be best for the country to keep baseball going
11th: How noble a woman's heart can be
11th: The child is in gut care
11th: It is like confessing a murder
10th: From Hell
10th: A killer logo
10th: I will not sign this letter
10th: For the sake of humanity
9th: My best, Marilyn Monroe
9th: God is great....God is great
9th: Servant until death
9th: This is the Zodiac speaking
9th: I wrote a book called THE GODFATHER
9th: Get back in the tracing room
9th: Dear All