Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Regarding your Hampton Wick

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Since 1968, at which point she and her best friend famously sought out and made a plaster cast of Jimi Hendrix's penis, legendary groupie Cynthia Albritton (a.k.a. Cynthia Plaster Caster) has been immortalising rock stars' members — and, since 2000, breasts — in plaster for the world to see; and quite successfully too, as evidenced by the exhibitionsdocumentary film, tribute songs, and upcoming autobiography that have followed.

In 1965, three years before getting the first yes from Hendrix, Cynthia wrote the following admiring letter to Keith Richards in an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to introduce herself. It was reprinted in Stanley Booth's book, The True Adventures of the Rolling Stones.

NSFW links: A trip to Cynthia's website is advised, but not to those currently at work; also, Jimi Hendrix's cast can be seen, and bought, here.

(Source: The True Adventures of the Rolling Stones, via Ben Moss; Image: Keith and Mick in 1971, via.)

August 2, 1965

Dear Keith,

We watched you on the TV the other night and the first thing that grabbed our eyes was your lovely Hampton Wick. After that we did little besides studying it. We're not kidding; you've got a very fine tool, as a friend of ours puts it. From the way your pants project themselves at the zipper, we figure you've got a beauty of a rig. Sometimes we hoped you'd whip it out or something, but they don't have TV cameras that could focus on anything that large, do they? Hey, tell Mick he doesn't have to worry about the size of his either; we noticed that already (well, who could help but?). Our favorite names for you are Keith the Giant Meat and Hampton Mick.

Keith, we're serious; we judge boys primarily by their Hamptons because they're so exciting to look at and contribute so much to a healthy relationship. We can hardly wait till you come into town in November, maybe then we can find out more about what's inside your pants.

We hope you don't think we ought to receive head treatment or be put away before we attack men or something. We hope you sympathize with us and agree that sex should be openly appreciated just like all other works of beauty and ingenuity. We like to say that we really think while other people just sit there all cringed and inhibited inside, afraid they'd offended someone if the told them something complimentary about their Hamptons or, as in your case, their shoulder boulders.

Would you like to write us back and confirm our beliefs about your Hampton Wick? Would you say, aside all the humility, that it is as spectacular as your pants have lead us to believe? Do you always wear your rig on the right side because you're right handed or doesn't it make any difference? What is the first thing YOU look for in GIRLS?

If you're interested, drop by awhile, why don't you, when you're in Chicago or give us a ring. We're both 18 and like to wear tight-fitting sweaters. We think a girl should wear things tight on top to please a boy, and that a boy should do the same at the bottom to please us.

So please don't forget to answer us. And keep pleasing us by wearing those pants good and tight.

Reach us at:

Cynthia Plastercaster
Chicago, Ill.