Buttocks or Crotch?

BUY THE LETTERS OF NOTE BOOK: UK / US
Courtesy of Letters from a Nut — an often hilarious collection of "prank" correspondence, written in the mid-90s by comedian Barry Marder to a selection of unsuspecting recipients — comes a letter in which, under his pseudonym Ted L. Nancy, he asks a sensitive question of one Albert Meyer, then-President of the American Seating Company. To his credit, Meyer even manages to respond with a solution of sorts.

Transcript follows.




Transcript
Ted L. Nancy
560 N. Moorpark Rd., #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

July 10th, 1995

MR. ALBERT H. MEYER, PRESIDENT
AMERICAN SEATING COMPANY
901 Broadway
Grand Rapids, Michigan
49504

Dear Mr. Meyer:

I had a seating question and I was referred to you because I understand you manufacture stadium and arena seating. My question:

When entering or exiting a seat in a stadium which is the proper side to face the person sitting down? Rear to them or crotch to them?

I am always at a quandry when this problem comes up. To hence: last week at a sporting event I had to leave my seat. There were a row of people - ALL FROM THE SAME FAMILY - that were sitting down in a row. I exited my seat, stood up and faced away from this family. Then I moved down the row realizing my buttocks were not 2 inches from this whole guy's family. I had shown an entire family my rear end! But then again If I had turned around and moved down the aisle THAT WAY, wouldn't that be worse?

Stadium seating is the only situation in life where you can show whole rows of people your butt or crotch. And it's acceptable!

Can something be done about this seating? Should the rows be changed? I suggest a single row straight up to the top. You walk into the stadium you simply find your seat number and go up until you get it.

Question: Is there a gracious way to exit?
Thank you, Sir, for your response.

(Signed)

Ted L. Nancy

Albert Meyer's response:

AMERICAN SEATING

August 3, 1995

Ted L. Nancy
560 N. Moorpark Rd., #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Your letter on crotch or butt first was most interesting. In fact, in all 38 years which I have been in this business it is probably the most interesting question I have ever been asked. I have shared your letter with numerous of my colleagues, and they have also found it most interesting.

But alas, we have no good answer. Your idea of a single chair has merit, but unfortunately would greatly reduce the number of chairs which could be put in the building.

The only suggestion we could come up with is for you to come early before anyone has arrived, stay in your seat for the entire time, and wait until everyone else has gone before leaving. This, of course, could cause an even more embarrassing problem.

If you come up with any solutions we would welcome hearing from you.

Sincerely,

(Signed)

Albert H. Meyer